| Pokpokan Blues | |
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| By Makisig Santos |
I was with a virgin last weekend – a virgin, in this sense, isn’t one who is new to having sex (he’s had lots and lots and lots of that already, for all I know, and for all I care); but one who is new to having sex with a sex worker, a newbie to paying for sex. And repeatedly, here’s what I noticed with virgins: they, generally, don’t know what they’re doing, which makes it easy for them to be abused, and for the sex workers (aside from doing the abusing, which is what most people tend to immediately think will happen, but isn’t always the case) to annoyingly have to live up to impossible expectations (no, just because you pay me doesn’t mean I will do anything, absolutely anything, including shit on your plate, for you).
This is why there’s a need to provide some sort of, well, guidelines on how those who pick-up sex workers should go about picking up. Consider this a service to customers, who, when supported, make sex work way, way easier.
PICKING UP (OR DOING IT) ON THE STREET
Remember the saying: “If you want to know the real persona of your lover, see how he treats people less than he is”? Well, it works here, too. Just because you don’t look highly at our profession doesn’t mean you can be abusive to us – just shows why nobody will have sex with you unless you pay. So at least be cordial when approaching, or when approached – just smile (or even skip that, if you can’t be bothered) and say no if you’re not interested. It’s that simple.
Similarly, if the sex worker you approached says no, don’t feel offended. We have tastes, too.
Get to know at least the name of your partner – it’s easier for when somebody disturbs you, when you can introduce each other through your first names, at least.
Pay in advance – and quit haggling, we need to earn a living, too. Meaning, know the ongoing rates of various places, e.g. sex workers in Greenbelt are more expensive than those in Glorietta, who are more expensive than those in SM malls, who are more expensive than those in Robinsons malls, who are more expensive than those in Quezon Memorial Circle, who are more expensive than those in Philippine Women’s University, who are more expensive than those in the University Belt. If the price is too steep for you, ask for a discount, but respect the fact that the sex worker decides his rate, not you (else, you do the work, instead).
Be clear about the service you want. If P250 is agreed enough for a head job behind a jeepney parked in some dark area in Malvar St. In Malate, Manila, don’t expect to be swallowed, for a second round, for the sex worker to come as well, et cetera. Stick to the agreement.
When a client doesn’t know where to go and asks the sex worker to pick a place, check your gut feeling on how dangerous any place may be. If the sex worker says for you to have sex in one of the cars parked along Malate Church, expect to be seen – meaning, if you think that’s too risky, don’t go. Else, go to a motel or something (sex workers have regular places they know), but: 1) Be clear about who will pay the room; 2) Be seen by those in the counter/Show yourself in video recordings; and 3) Again, just go where you are comfortable.
Use condoms. Just because you’re doing something rushed, doesn’t mean to forget the essentials. Be safe no matter what. And, oh, don’t throw used condoms just anywhere (especially when having sex on some street).
Remember the saying: “If you want to know the real persona of your lover, see how he treats people less than he is”? Well, it works here, too. Just because you don’t look highly at our profession doesn’t mean you can be abusive to us – just shows why nobody will have sex with you unless you pay. So at least be cordial when approaching, or when approached – just smile (or even skip that, if you can’t be bothered) and say no if you’re not interested. It’s that simple.
Similarly, if the sex worker you approached says no, don’t feel offended. We have tastes, too.
Get to know at least the name of your partner – it’s easier for when somebody disturbs you, when you can introduce each other through your first names, at least.
Pay in advance – and quit haggling, we need to earn a living, too. Meaning, know the ongoing rates of various places, e.g. sex workers in Greenbelt are more expensive than those in Glorietta, who are more expensive than those in SM malls, who are more expensive than those in Robinsons malls, who are more expensive than those in Quezon Memorial Circle, who are more expensive than those in Philippine Women’s University, who are more expensive than those in the University Belt. If the price is too steep for you, ask for a discount, but respect the fact that the sex worker decides his rate, not you (else, you do the work, instead).
Be clear about the service you want. If P250 is agreed enough for a head job behind a jeepney parked in some dark area in Malvar St. In Malate, Manila, don’t expect to be swallowed, for a second round, for the sex worker to come as well, et cetera. Stick to the agreement.
When a client doesn’t know where to go and asks the sex worker to pick a place, check your gut feeling on how dangerous any place may be. If the sex worker says for you to have sex in one of the cars parked along Malate Church, expect to be seen – meaning, if you think that’s too risky, don’t go. Else, go to a motel or something (sex workers have regular places they know), but: 1) Be clear about who will pay the room; 2) Be seen by those in the counter/Show yourself in video recordings; and 3) Again, just go where you are comfortable.
Use condoms. Just because you’re doing something rushed, doesn’t mean to forget the essentials. Be safe no matter what. And, oh, don’t throw used condoms just anywhere (especially when having sex on some street).
IN A CLUB/JOINT
The general rules (top) apply wherever the negotiations take place. But here, add:
Again, be respectful. Just because a stripper is dancing with his dick flopped out doesn’t mean you can just grab whatever you want to grab. Ask – if not the dancer, then the management, as they tend to be chirpy to customers – what’s allowed to be touched, and for how much, else you’ll just feel you were cheated when you don’t agree with the rates, but didn’t ask beforehand about it.
And since sex isn’t usually allowed in the clubs/joints, stick to that rule. Arrange, instead, for taking out the stripper you want (if/when on the table).
The general rules (top) apply wherever the negotiations take place. But here, add:
Again, be respectful. Just because a stripper is dancing with his dick flopped out doesn’t mean you can just grab whatever you want to grab. Ask – if not the dancer, then the management, as they tend to be chirpy to customers – what’s allowed to be touched, and for how much, else you’ll just feel you were cheated when you don’t agree with the rates, but didn’t ask beforehand about it.
And since sex isn’t usually allowed in the clubs/joints, stick to that rule. Arrange, instead, for taking out the stripper you want (if/when on the table).
WHEN VISITED AT HOME/HOTEL/WHEREVER
Again, the general rules apply. Then add:
Hopefully, before reaching the venue, you’ve already discussed the specifics – e.g. what act for how much. Stick to that – and insist to sticking to that.
Shower well (focus on the pleasure zones: penis, scrotum/balls, anus. Unless agreed upon, most are not into grease and dirt and slime, you know. For that matter, prepare a clean towel and fresh soap for the sex worker’s washing up, too. It will be more pleasurable this way, believe me.
Pay in advance.
Again, the general rules apply. Then add:
Hopefully, before reaching the venue, you’ve already discussed the specifics – e.g. what act for how much. Stick to that – and insist to sticking to that.
Shower well (focus on the pleasure zones: penis, scrotum/balls, anus. Unless agreed upon, most are not into grease and dirt and slime, you know. For that matter, prepare a clean towel and fresh soap for the sex worker’s washing up, too. It will be more pleasurable this way, believe me.
Pay in advance.
Try not to be too drunk/drugged – it’s frustrating giving a head to someone who, after hours (especially when the agreed time is just for an hour), still couldn’t come. Plus drugs and alcohol can make clients become aggressive – and generally, again unless already discussed, most aren’t into aggression.
Note you’ve been visited – e.g. tell a friend or your concierge or something, just so somebody knows you have a visitor. It’s for your protection.
Related to this, hide valuables. You trust us or you don’t on this respect, doesn’t matter. Just hide them, so they don’t enter the conversation at all.
If/when the agreement is to role play, set rules ahead of time, and respect the rules. Among all the rules, the important one to remember: NO IS NO.
Most important of all, communicate. We can’t read minds – plus you’ll know more about us when you talk to us (e.g. where to find us, when you have to).
One more thing: Just because we’re sex workers doesn’t mean we can’t sue you. Meaning that acts considered as assaults (e.g. hitting a worker, forceful sexual acts, et cetera) can be grounds for legal punishment/s. And believe me, we do sue.
None of these are meant to scare you from hiring a sex worker. For an encounter with one can be very, very pleasurable – not just for you, but even for the sex worker, too. We just have to set some sort of rules.
And be sure to stick to them.
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Makisig Santos, 24, is an on/off sex worker, who believes that since the profession is inherently dangerous, SWs need to be provided with as much know-how as possible for them to be able to protect themselves in whatever situation they find themselves in – and this is the very intention he intends to achieve here, with Pokpokan Blues.
(The whole article is taken from Outrage Magazine, the only GayZine in the Philippines online)
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